Self-Discipline
How much sticktoit-tiveness do you have? I'll be the first to admit...the gauge is often sitting somewhere around empty on this one, as evidenced by the many workout plans, meal plans, and budgets I've carefully written and then abandoned. It's tough. Life often just seems to get in the way of good intentions - one illness, one car repair, one unforeseen bump in the road - and I often feel like I'm back at square one. And if you're not self-disciplined enough to oversee homeschool, why would your child ever be self-disciplined enough to sit through homeschool??? Quite the conundrum.
So how have I managed to combat my little self-discipline issues over the last year? (Disclaimer: This is how *I* pulled my act together...your way may be completely different)
Organization. Yes...we're covering this one again. Here's why: I can be rather OCD when it comes to home maintenance/cleanliness. I would never argue that my home is always pristine, but when I finally clean up the clutter, mop the floors, and put everything in its place, I can grow horns and a tail over the first sign of a mess. Ask Chris. If he walks in from work, takes off his boots, throws his keys on the table, and tosses the mail on the counter after I've cleaned all day, I sweep in behind him muttering and giving him the evil eye over the "havoc" he just created. Use my bathroom and wash your hands - I experience frustrating anxiety if I walk in behind you to discover you haven't properly refolded the towel. Laundry does not get folded if it is not freshly run through the dryer. Hi, my name is Amanda and I'm a cleaning Nazi. There's a reason why self awareness is always the first step in any self-help program.
Here's what I know about myself: I'm a bit of a control freak because I'm a recovering co-dependent. We're the people who foolishly believe we have control over anything/anyone other than ourselves and worry obsessively about those things over which we have no power. We maddeningly pursue inhuman perfection. This often gets in the way of my ability to function because I become so overwhelmed by getting things "perfect" that I will often stall, whine, throw my hands up in the air, scream, have a good cry...and then quit. That's not very effective now, is it???
So I think God finally got tired of my nonsense, had a good "Oh...Amanda!" laugh over it, and presented me with His cure for my troubles: He gifted me with a military husband and a precocious little boy. :) After one overseas PCS (relocation for you non-military folk), I had to learn to accept those things over which I have no control. Like those perfect orders and the perfect timing (Hahahaha! there's no such thing)...and fretting about housing, friends, or a job before you even arrive at a new location. The more I worried, the worse it seemed to get...so after a long struggle and many prayers, I accepted that I needed to relax, stop worrying, and trust in God. And guess what? Now things always seem to fall into place EXACTLY as they're supposed to according to God's plan for us. :) Noah also taught me that pristine is not always possible. And that's okay. He may turn my house upside down and spin through a room like a dizzying tornado, but I'd rather him remember me for the time we spent together than keeping a museum-like house. I'm finally learning how to live contentedly in the real world. It feels good, but I sometimes relapse over the cleanliness factor. I'm still very much a work in progress. I digress. ;)
Aside from general self-awareness over our organizational habits, I just learned to strive to find a balance. That's all. That's it. A disorganized mountain of mess is not a deal-killer for homeschooling, but it's certainly easier to work when you can actually find your language arts book and your scissors. Fingerprints on the windows or dishes in the sink won't stand in the way of educating your child, but a workspace in which you can't actually work will. Employ your child(ren)'s help and that of your spouse. You're not a one-person army but a team working towards the hugely rewarding goal of home education. And if this crazy lady can do it, anyone can.
Pre-packaged curriculum and lesson plans. The Sonlight (www.sonlight.com) curriculum I selected for Noah is what some people refer to as "school in a box" - it breaks down your school year into weeks, those weeks into 4/5 day lessons (your choice), and then provides you a schedule to follow for your school day (ex. Science: read Under the Sea pp. 4-6 and construct a diorama out of the provided page of cut-outs). Being so new and intimidated by the prospect of homeschooling, I knew this is what I needed. Six months into homeschooling, however, I got pretty big for my britches and thought I could undertake the "homeschool curriculum development" task all on my own. I spent HOURS both at the library and on the Internet, exploring books and online materials that I had grown pretty confident that I could do all this on my own and make homeschooling a little more cost effective. My thoughts were along the lines of: I could design my own curriculum...we could be saving so much money...I could totally do this! Uh...no. The real question is not really whether could I...but would I? Some ideas are always so much better than reality, don't you think???
This is when I had to force a reality check: figuratively sitting myself down, sternly presenting all the facts for such undertaking such a project, and firmly explain why I needed to stop trying to be an overachiever. If we could afford Noah's curriculum...were very happy with it...it was working effectively and meeting our needs...WHY ON EARTH would I ever feel the need to develop our own? When I'm already taxed and complaining about not having enough time in the day, why would I do that to myself?? Crazy talk, I tell ya! So, while I think I could most definitely write a successful curriculum for Noah each school year, I realized that I would more than likely become overwhelmed by such a large project and run the risk of giving up homeschool altogether. (see "control freak" flaws above) So instead, I do the next best thing: I carefully review Noah's lessons for each week and provide some fun, creative supporting material and activities. This way, I still have a hand in his curriculum development and can create opportunities to further explore those subjects in which he has additional interest, but I can also scale back if we have an overly demanding schedule for that week. Either way, school is less stressful and very much a success. And I continue to really enjoy it. :)
Schooling according to MY schedule...not someone else's. Because homeschool offers the potential for so much flexibility, it's very easy to find yourself attempting to make yourself available for every last minute playdate or work in appointments during "regular" school hours. Oh...I can always fit in school later in the day. Trust me...this is way more difficult than it sounds and it's not a wise precedent to set. Many homeschoolers complain that their social calendar just becomes too much and they struggle to find time in the day to actually homeschool. It sounds really funny...but it's true. With all the talk of homeschoolers' "lack of socialization" coupled with the freedom to "fit in" activities as you proceed throughout your homeschooling day, it's very easy to succumb to over scheduling (more on that in another post) and/or acting as the "people pleaser" and unconsciously attempting to accommodate everyone else's schedule because you're the one with the greatest amount of flexibility. Here's some things I've learned about dealing with the homeschool juggling act:
So how have I managed to combat my little self-discipline issues over the last year? (Disclaimer: This is how *I* pulled my act together...your way may be completely different)
Organization. Yes...we're covering this one again. Here's why: I can be rather OCD when it comes to home maintenance/cleanliness. I would never argue that my home is always pristine, but when I finally clean up the clutter, mop the floors, and put everything in its place, I can grow horns and a tail over the first sign of a mess. Ask Chris. If he walks in from work, takes off his boots, throws his keys on the table, and tosses the mail on the counter after I've cleaned all day, I sweep in behind him muttering and giving him the evil eye over the "havoc" he just created. Use my bathroom and wash your hands - I experience frustrating anxiety if I walk in behind you to discover you haven't properly refolded the towel. Laundry does not get folded if it is not freshly run through the dryer. Hi, my name is Amanda and I'm a cleaning Nazi. There's a reason why self awareness is always the first step in any self-help program.
Here's what I know about myself: I'm a bit of a control freak because I'm a recovering co-dependent. We're the people who foolishly believe we have control over anything/anyone other than ourselves and worry obsessively about those things over which we have no power. We maddeningly pursue inhuman perfection. This often gets in the way of my ability to function because I become so overwhelmed by getting things "perfect" that I will often stall, whine, throw my hands up in the air, scream, have a good cry...and then quit. That's not very effective now, is it???
So I think God finally got tired of my nonsense, had a good "Oh...Amanda!" laugh over it, and presented me with His cure for my troubles: He gifted me with a military husband and a precocious little boy. :) After one overseas PCS (relocation for you non-military folk), I had to learn to accept those things over which I have no control. Like those perfect orders and the perfect timing (Hahahaha! there's no such thing)...and fretting about housing, friends, or a job before you even arrive at a new location. The more I worried, the worse it seemed to get...so after a long struggle and many prayers, I accepted that I needed to relax, stop worrying, and trust in God. And guess what? Now things always seem to fall into place EXACTLY as they're supposed to according to God's plan for us. :) Noah also taught me that pristine is not always possible. And that's okay. He may turn my house upside down and spin through a room like a dizzying tornado, but I'd rather him remember me for the time we spent together than keeping a museum-like house. I'm finally learning how to live contentedly in the real world. It feels good, but I sometimes relapse over the cleanliness factor. I'm still very much a work in progress. I digress. ;)
Aside from general self-awareness over our organizational habits, I just learned to strive to find a balance. That's all. That's it. A disorganized mountain of mess is not a deal-killer for homeschooling, but it's certainly easier to work when you can actually find your language arts book and your scissors. Fingerprints on the windows or dishes in the sink won't stand in the way of educating your child, but a workspace in which you can't actually work will. Employ your child(ren)'s help and that of your spouse. You're not a one-person army but a team working towards the hugely rewarding goal of home education. And if this crazy lady can do it, anyone can.
Pre-packaged curriculum and lesson plans. The Sonlight (www.sonlight.com) curriculum I selected for Noah is what some people refer to as "school in a box" - it breaks down your school year into weeks, those weeks into 4/5 day lessons (your choice), and then provides you a schedule to follow for your school day (ex. Science: read Under the Sea pp. 4-6 and construct a diorama out of the provided page of cut-outs). Being so new and intimidated by the prospect of homeschooling, I knew this is what I needed. Six months into homeschooling, however, I got pretty big for my britches and thought I could undertake the "homeschool curriculum development" task all on my own. I spent HOURS both at the library and on the Internet, exploring books and online materials that I had grown pretty confident that I could do all this on my own and make homeschooling a little more cost effective. My thoughts were along the lines of: I could design my own curriculum...we could be saving so much money...I could totally do this! Uh...no. The real question is not really whether could I...but would I? Some ideas are always so much better than reality, don't you think???
This is when I had to force a reality check: figuratively sitting myself down, sternly presenting all the facts for such undertaking such a project, and firmly explain why I needed to stop trying to be an overachiever. If we could afford Noah's curriculum...were very happy with it...it was working effectively and meeting our needs...WHY ON EARTH would I ever feel the need to develop our own? When I'm already taxed and complaining about not having enough time in the day, why would I do that to myself?? Crazy talk, I tell ya! So, while I think I could most definitely write a successful curriculum for Noah each school year, I realized that I would more than likely become overwhelmed by such a large project and run the risk of giving up homeschool altogether. (see "control freak" flaws above) So instead, I do the next best thing: I carefully review Noah's lessons for each week and provide some fun, creative supporting material and activities. This way, I still have a hand in his curriculum development and can create opportunities to further explore those subjects in which he has additional interest, but I can also scale back if we have an overly demanding schedule for that week. Either way, school is less stressful and very much a success. And I continue to really enjoy it. :)
Schooling according to MY schedule...not someone else's. Because homeschool offers the potential for so much flexibility, it's very easy to find yourself attempting to make yourself available for every last minute playdate or work in appointments during "regular" school hours. Oh...I can always fit in school later in the day. Trust me...this is way more difficult than it sounds and it's not a wise precedent to set. Many homeschoolers complain that their social calendar just becomes too much and they struggle to find time in the day to actually homeschool. It sounds really funny...but it's true. With all the talk of homeschoolers' "lack of socialization" coupled with the freedom to "fit in" activities as you proceed throughout your homeschooling day, it's very easy to succumb to over scheduling (more on that in another post) and/or acting as the "people pleaser" and unconsciously attempting to accommodate everyone else's schedule because you're the one with the greatest amount of flexibility. Here's some things I've learned about dealing with the homeschool juggling act:
- I'm a planner...period. Last minute fun activities are great, but they should be kept to a reasonable number, otherwise homeschool gets sucked into a nasty black hole. Encourage planned events to include those people you don't get to see on a regular basis via homeschool activities.
- It's okay to administer some self-discipline and just say, "No."
- Other parents choose to work outside the home and send their children go to traditional school. No one expects them to suddenly cancel work or pull their kids out of school to attend an event. Neither should you.
- It's unreasonable for you to always be the one to juggle just because you have the greatest potential for flexibility.
- Establish "school hours." This way, your child has a schedule...they like knowing what to expect.
- Treat homeschool as you would any other job. Turn OFF the phone.
- Set reasonable goals. Over scheduling makes for a cranky kiddo and one cranky mama.
And possibly the most important for sanity purposes:
- Remember to include "free time" to account for cleaning, doctor's appointments, field trips, or lazy days in the backyard. These sanity breaks will help save you from yourself. :)
In Part Three, we'll cover Burn Out - probably my greatest worry in homeschooling in Noah. Can I really make it for the long haul?
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