Deployment Ready

In just about two months, Chris will be leaving for deployment. While our family has been through multiple separations, this will be the first for Noah...a six month absence from his Daddy.  I'm not quite sure how he'll take it - on one hand, Noah was well indoctrinated into the "Daddy's more often gone than home" program by Chris' previous squadron and he handled all of Chris' prior comings and goings like a pro.  But on the other hand...he's still four.  He's already anticipating the loss. And six months is a really loooong time.


Chris and I have always agreed that deployment is not something we want to spring on our child.  As in, "Everything's fine...everything's normal...oh, wait!  Your daddy leaves tomorrow and he won't be here for your birthday! Don't be sad!"  As soon as we had an approximate timeframe for Chris' departure, we discussed it with Noah, letting him know that Daddy's work hadn't changed and that while he would be home with us for awhile, he would still be leaving on a big trip in the coming months.  We try and talk about it casually (never trying to make it into something big and scary), but we answer all his questions and concerns as truthfully as his four year old mind can manage.  We can tell he has some anxiety about it, but I think I'd be more concerned if he bottled up and showed little emotion over Chris being absent for so long.



Chris does a fantastic job of making the most of the time he currently has with Noah and discussing all the ways he plans to stay in touch in the latter half of the year.  I spend quite a bit of my time with Noah (often in the car and over various art projects) talking up the many wonderful opportunities that he and I will have together when Chris is away - beach days, playdates, hikes, mornings spent at the zoo, and afternoons at the water park - and I try and reinforce just how incredibly big and helpful he is and how much that means to me.

He seems to be handling it all very well, but we can always use a little help better preparing our children for that moment when daddy (or mommy) boards that plane for the long journey overseas.  So, I did a little research and I came up with these:

When Dad's at Sea by Mindy Pelton
My Dad's Deployment:  A Deployment and Reunion Activity Book for Young Children by Julie LaBelle
Night Catch by Brenda Ehrmantraut
Heroes!  Activities for Kids Dealing with Deployment by Susan B. Weaver

The first two are my favorites.  When Dad's at Sea is the closest I could come to matching our situation - a Navy family, Naval Flight Officer dad (same flight suit...same rank...BIG PLUS!) and a six month deployment.  It didn't have to be an exact match (i.e. it's a girl as opposed to a boy), but I wanted Noah to read a story in which he could identify with the characters though both words and pictures.  I think the book does a great job of expressing the little girl's loss, her adjustment, and also her joy and excitement when her daddy comes home.  The second book is a wonderful activity book that includes not only activities for children to do when their parent leaves, but also pre and post-deployment pages that the family can do together.  I especially like the fact that it consistently promotes the child discussing their feelings during ALL stages of deployment and also presents some pretty creative ideas for connecting with their deployed parent through letters, pictures, and phone calls.  That way, each of those moments can be independently special and remembered.  

Deployments are always difficult for a family - emotions can be raw, sometimes frustrations will run high - but they don't have to be crippling.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about all the things that could potentially go wrong while Chris is away, particularly with my health.  I may even cry some days...a lot. :)  But I'm choosing not to focus on that...instead I want to focus on those things that brighten our days, both now and when deployment is finally here.  And when that moment arrives - when Chris finally leaves - by keeping a steady gaze on the things that matter and not getting distracted or run over by the small stuff, I'm hoping to guide and encourage Noah in not only how to positively cope with pain of separation...but how to THRIVE. :)