A Confession...

So I have a little confession to make:  I came home after Classical Conversations today, had a bite to eat, checked my e-mail, sent a few messages, then sat back…and just had a good cry.  It wasn't your typical tears generated merely out of sadness or frustration (although I did miss seeing a dear friend today and I’m going to blame her for being so great that she probably initiated the whole “three tissue” moment) but it was more about today being a series of revelations rather than anything else.    

In case you didn't know, I’m an introvert – I don’t DO parties or large social gatherings, and the idea of attending formal functions or meetings almost makes me break out in hives.  I’m usually most comfortable in small settings, alone with my family or in the company of a few great and reliable friends sharing a great meal in a quiet space.  It hit me today that for the first time ever in almost 10 years of being married to “the Navy,” (okay...my husband) I’m actually going to regret having to leave a place in a little over a year (revelation #1).  Yes, I look forward to new beginnings, but it dawned upon me this afternoon that I’ve never had quite the same loving, caring, supportive community experience before that we share within our homeschooling “family” here in HI.  This family is large…and guess what?  I’m totally not intimidated by its size or numbers as we gather for the benefit of our children (revelation #2).  Frankly, I’ve never acquired or felt this same sense of “family” from living in military communities as well as other military spouses seem to gain – maybe it’s because I’ve struggled so much to find and establish (repeatedly) my own separate identity and groups of friends as I’ve followed my husband from duty station to duty station.  I’ve desperately needed something independent of him that is mine to nourish, develop, and grow.  Homeschooling my child has become that proverbial plant to carefully tend.

And please don't misunderstand - this blog post is not meant to diminish the significance of the many friendships I’ve made as a military spouse. They’ve all been wonderful and I still greatly appreciate each and every one of them.  In fact, many of our homeschoolers are also military families.  But it's important for me to share what homeschooling has specifically meant for me – it’s something outside of Chris’ workplace/space, built upon a large and expansive network of friendships that doesn’t involve worrying about rank or commands, dining outs and hail and farewells, fraternization rules and blue/red stickers.   Those things simply don’t matter in homeschooling circles.  I spend time with WONDERFUL children every week that I don’t share a blood relationship with for which I feel thrilled each time they learn something new or share with me a challenging experience that they’ve overcome…and children were never really my thing (revelation #3).  And that’s probably been the biggest revelation of all.  I absolutely adore these young people – they’re extremely bright, talented, polite, and loving and it is incredible to watch them communicate, learn, and play together – from the smallest toddler to the teenagers just years away from leaving home and heading to college…those with learning and developmental disabilities and those without. There’s no separation or isolation here. We work together not only to educate but to overcome hardships, as this is a community and we are a team.

Homeschooling has changed my life in so many wonderful and beautiful ways that it’s going to be tremendously difficult to say good-bye to so many faces that I’ve come to care for and appreciate in this initial phase of a very long journey.  When I started homeschooling Noah last year, I was a little afraid that it was going to be a lonely place for him, not because I was worried over the number of homeschooling activities that would or wouldn’t be there, but because I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to get out and make those happen for him.  Now I know that I can.  Now I know that God intended for this experience to play a significant role in a spiritual rebirth that He knew I so desperately needed.       

For my fellow homeschoolers:  I am especially grateful for each and every one of you.  I am thankful to call you “friend” and be yours in return.  My heart is full.  Thank you for the willingness to give so much of yourselves that others are able to grow and flourish in the shade we both share. J

This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will take a shoot from the very top of a cedar and plant it; I will break off a tender sprig from its topmost shoots and plant it on a high and lofty mountain.  On the mountain heights of Israel I will plant it; it will produce branches and bear fruit and become a splendid cedar.  Birds of every kind will nest in it; they will find shelter in the shades of its branches.  

Ezekiel 17:22-23